Alley Rose

Walking through the storm

Cool wind to my back

I hear the call of the night

But I am not the same

A light shines for me

An alley rose

Found in my darkness

Gives me hope

That something so beautiful

Can be discovered

Somewhere so desolate

That maybe the world

Holds something better for me

I pick it up

And carry it near my heart

I walk in the rain

But this time

With a smile

Carrying Memories

Nothing lasts forever

But it doesn't change the hurt

It doesn't erase the pain

When things do end

So we carry on

Carrying a memory

That keeps everything real

That keeps them with us

We tell the stories

That hold us together

We keep them alive in us

Through choking clouds

And foolish risks

Something always lives on

Clinging to that hope

We move forward

Carrying with us

The remembrances

That make us whole

Was, Is, Will Be

 

I was standing in the night

With shadows fallen over all

Questioning who I am

When I saw a flame

Brief it was

I strained to see a figure

Standing beneath a tree

Bringing a cigarette to his lips

But I could not see his face

I was about to turn

Seeking solitude not company

When a voice came

“Why do you question?”

I paused for a moment

Thinking he was speaking to himself

Again he spoke

“You know who you are

Why the questions?

Have you learned nothing?

I thought you were better than this

But then again

Maybe you don't really change”

Startled, I could not speak

His jacket reflecting the moon

He seemed so strange

Yet so familiar

“It must be your nature

No matter how I dislike it”

So arrogant

Thinking he knew me

Thinking he knew anything

My struggles

My pain

His youth showed

In his bold speech

I simply stared at this figure

A phantom in the night

After one long drag

Inhaling deeply the smoke

As he exhaled

He spoke

“The past never dies”

Confused I turned to leave

I spoke as I turned

“I am who I am right now”

But as I turned

I saw another in the dark

Leaning over

Staring at the stars

I could only see his shape

Light reflected from his cane

With a silver dragon

Shining in the darkness

I was so shocked

I stood silent

Then he spoke

With a voice of age 

Filled with the wisdom of years

“You're both so hasty

So head strong

What do you really know?”

This though

Came with a gentleness

That comes from experience

An old man

Reflecting to himself

On such a strange night

I couldn't help but wonder

Did I know this man?

So many years my senior?

Then came his voice again

“Someday you'll understand

But then again

Maybe you'll only realize

That you can never know”

Puzzled I was

Like a riddle

Spoken from the heart

That I knew all too well

He shifted slightly

And gave his parting words

“But who will I be?”

I turned to ponder this odd event

But when I looked

They were both gone

And as I pondered

I reflected on the familiar

The unknown

The thing I would never know

And the words came together

Past

Present

Future

Were such a constant blend

Yet so distinct

Sudden realization

I heard my own voice

Clearly this time

Speaking through it all

“The past never dies

I am who I am right now

But who will I be?”

Thunder of My Soul

The lightning crosses the sky

And my mind is electric

Going faster and faster

Diving backwards and forwards

Thinking of so many things

Then there was a face

Maybe from the past

Maybe from the future

But it was so familiar

Lighting goes out again

Streaking across the purple sky

Shining a light on the beauty

Bringing a smile to my face

Because it didn't matter

If it was memory to be

Or memory of what was

Because the memory was mine

To cherish in the dark of night

Even if it must stay tucked away

In a corner of my heart

Drawn out by the bristling air

Because even when it fades

To just a pinpoint in the heavens

I know the light is still there

Will always be a part of me

Something that I can feel

Through the waves of time

Like a firefly in the heavens

In the thunder of my soul

Holding the Rain

Rain falls gently in the night

Cold droplets on my skin

Washing me clean of the world

Worry and fear rolling down

Dripping from me

Into puddles of memory

That pools at my feet

My face turned to the sky

Welcoming the cleansing sky

Clearing my mind of doubt

It cascades down my back

And then it is gone

Bathed in the open air

Feeling both old

And at the same instant

Brand new in every way

The breath drawing in

The smell of the storm

Lingers in the atmosphere

And in this moment

I am suddenly so free

And suddenly so small

Yet I am everywhere

The drizzle falling across my hands

And I give myself to it freely

As it gives itself freely to me

We meet in an impossible embrace

I hold the storm

And the storm holds me

Two Explorers

Two explorers rest for the night

In tents below an endless sky

These two best friends slumber

Dreaming of adventures

In far away lands

Forging a future for themselves

Crossing mountains and valleys

Rescuing friends and finding treasure

Knowing the other will be there

To help them along the way

Just two best friends

Getting the sleep they need

For the excitement tomorrow brings

Spirit of the Storm

There was a flash of light

A resounding boom

And all was darkness

As echoes filled the air

I could see nothing at all

Ears filled with the relentless storm

When I saw your face

There in the darkness

I could hear your voice

In the falling of the rain

Like a sweet song

In a world where nothing remained

So I let it wash over me

Holding me in the still of the night

I let it embrace me

Though the rain was cold

The touch was warmth to my soul

No darkness could overtake

The light of your presence

Consuming me utterly

In that moment

Nothing else existed

Nothing else mattered

That phantom in the night

That alighted my soul

Overtaking every sensation

Was everything to me

And when the light of dawn broke free

And I awoke to sun and sky

The memory lingers still

Cherished in my heart

Forever and always there

The spirit of the storm

Jesus Killed in the Street

I am thirsty

This was the cry that went out

As he died

The forces of oppression

Bearing down

For no other reason

Than that they could

And a man was dead

Murdered in broad daylight

Because they could

A life was taken

For the sake of order

Peace was not found

In killing this man

There was no justice

Simply malice

In the hands of the powerful

And I'm left to ponder

In the still of the night

The case of a man on a cross

And a man crushed in the street

And I weep

In retrospect and remembrance of George Floyd.

Dirty Laundry

As I move the clothes to the dryer once again

Just to move another load into the washer

I am thankful

Thankful for laundry

The task I often lament as endless

The one that sees me empty one basket

Full of clean and folded items

Just to fill it once again with soiled garments

But still I am thankful

It means that tomorrow

My children will awaken

Bright and renewed

Happy and smiling

And will put on clean clothes

I’m thankful that they have those clothes to put on

That they will wake up to that small blessing

Though I may at times take it for granted

In this moment

I am thankful

As I dump out a basket

And take my place in my kingdom of vestments

I’m thankful for each memory

Remembering the activities of the days

The joys of little ones going out to get dirty

Knowing all too well

That these clothes will be exchanged

For larger sizes

And new tastes

That someday I will only fold my own

But for now I am thankful

Thankful that I can provide for my children

To give them the clothes

That let them wake up

And start each day fresh and new

With new adventures in store

Going out to make new memories

So as each memory is folded and tucked away

Neatly back into the drawer

And new ones piled up again

I will always be thankful somewhere

For the laundry

Still Me

A cloudy night

Nights and days running together

Hard to keep track

Hard to concentrate

Feeling alone

Has never felt so lonely

Memory drifting

And a longing remains

Waiting for the clouds to lift

Revealing a clear sky

And a bright tomorrow

But for now I wait

Trying to remember the day

The week

The month

Temporary solitude

Is still solitude

Even the words struggle

To become a thought

To become something

More than a jumble

A cluster of memories

Flowing together into dreams

Dreams that are fleeting

And sometimes I wonder

If I'm becoming muddled

Jumbled fragments of me

Trying to remain a person

And not just a concept

Is it an existential crisis?

I cannot say

As fragmented thoughts

And partial memories

Float about my mind

Is this new?

Or have I just begun to notice?

I close my eyes

And I recall my face

And realize I'm still me

I'm still here

Whoever that may be today

Through the confusion and pain

I am still here

I am still me

Echoes of Memory

The chill air filled with falling rain

And the thunder calls your name

Just as it always has

Just as it always will

Always calling you back to the rain

Always calling you back to the storm

Chasing whatever it holds

Never knowing what that is

Just knowing that you seek it

I hear your name on the wind

And I wonder where you are

And if you still hear it

The way that I can hear it

Or if it is just the echoes of memory

Summer Breeze

You danced through the forest of my mind
Like a leaf caught in a summer breeze
Not as a memory reflecting in a pool
But something from the here and now
Beautiful as ever I watched you glide
The wind lifting you over any obstacle
Your marvelous form carried along
I followed you with my eyes
Mesmerized by all that you are
And as the wind delivered you
Out into the open meadow airs
I got up to chase after the summer breeze
Trying so hard to not lose sight
Of the most beautiful thing I had ever seen
Praying even just for a moment longer
That my vision could be filled with you
And a longing filled my aching heart
That if I could catch you for a moment
I’d never want to let you go
Afraid that the summer breeze would stir
And remove you from my eyes once more

Those Who Do Not Cry

No tear was shed that solemn day

By those who do not cry

A duty done with task at hand

Done with eyes so dry

It is not for lack of care

By those who do not cry

But done because it must be done

Where others cannot try

A duty laid at answering feet

With eyes that have no tears

They brace themselves and carry on

In the face of other’s fears

It is not a simple thing

Holding emotions all at bay

But they carry on and hold it in

Waiting for another day

Words were spoken soft and true

By those who do not cry

To comfort those in deep distress

Those who came to cry

It is never for a lack of care

This lack of tearful face

But as one who knows too well

That there are those in need of grace

So stoic faces hide the pain

Of those who do not cry

To bring peace to others now

Who can’t help but ask “oh why”

So called are those who help

On the days of deepest woe

Those who hold heads up high

Helping others to let go

It is all for deepest love

By those who do not cry

They love so much they keep it in

Until the moon is high

So when the day is done and gone

With time to heal the sorrow

Remember those who did not cry

And comfort them tomorrow

Bosom of Fantasy

Snow falls in the dark night
Like a blanket to hide the world
And maybe it can hide me too
Conceal me from the bright day
Seeking shelter under the moon
As it causes the snow to shine
Hide me in a world of dreams
Where your touch is real
And your voice whispers in my ear
House me in those hallowed dreams
Where fantasy and illusion
Mix happy and free
Keep me from the world outside
Where the sun melts away those visions
And let me rest in your arms
Until I'm ready to face the world again
Shelter me from all that's real
In the bosom of fantasy
Until I dream enough
To finally make it real

Falling Snow

Snowfall silent in the sky

The who and what and where and why

In quiet night snowflakes fly

It floats and flutters by my eye

Sitting in this darkened night

Falling snow reflecting light

Fog hides the world from sight

A sweater on warms frozen bite

In the dark I sit and wait

And though my heart may hesitate

I sit and ponder our shared fate

Praying feelings will not complicate

A frozen world past my window

What comes next I do not know

Staring out at falling snow

Eyes grow heavy now with sleep

Snow falls down and settles deep

In dark of night can’t hear a peep

I pray the Lord my soul to keep

Asking the Moon

A starless sky greeted me
In the dark of the night
The cool crisp air
Brushed against my cheek
It touched me gently
As the silent moon looked on
And as it shone down
I felt you in the wind
Wrapped around my body
I was strangely warmed
In that quiet moment
I was no longer alone
But I could feel you
I closed my eyes
And there you were
I lingered in the night
Just wanting it to last
Asking that moon to let you stay

Bunny in My Garden

Whenever I see you
I'm reminded of why I fell in love
And in some ways
Why part of me
Will always love part of you
Maybe if I'd learned then
What I've learned now
About being selfish
It would have been different
I could have cherished
That bunny in my garden
You’re still beautiful
And in my eyes
You always will be
But that isn't enough
To repair the past
So I let it rest in my heart
A memory of lost love
And now when I dream of you
I can smile

Still

Iridescent

Shining through infinite luminary lenses

Launching over veritable eternities

Yellow orchids unfold

Aside navy daisies

Irreplaceable

A light will always yield silhouettes

Wavering in listless lingering

Mystery Together

Here's one from the archives that I don't think I've posted anywhere before.

She doesn't know about you
And I'm sure he doesn't know about me
Nobody is supposed to know
It spares everyone the hurt
I'll never know who you're thinking about
When your lips meet mine
But you don't know where my mind is
So we're both a mystery
But we both must remain a mystery
Letting others think
That "we" don't exist
That there isn't any "us"
So that nobody gets hurt
That we are under the cover of night
Under the covers together
In a place we don't belong
Because we can't seem to belong
To someone else
Without these feelings interfering
Pretending they don't exist
So that our real lives can go on
Escaping sometimes into fantasy
Where we explore something
That would destroy them
But keeps calling us back in

The Sound of Nobody

It was odd to wake up alone

For the first time in my entire life

There was nobody else

Just me, myself, and I

And none of them get along

There was nobody to make breakfast for

Nobody to wake up on the sofa

There was nobody in the top bunk

Sleeping past noon

There was no head on the pillow

Sitting cold next to mine

Nobody stirring in another room

Getting ready to make coffee

That I wasn’t going to drink

Nobody fell asleep in the armchair

After a late-night movie

Nobody stealing my cigarettes

Nobody pouring a morning cocktail

There was nobody in my shower

The only think that I could sense

Was silence upon the air

And I began to wonder

How long this isolation would last

Hoping that it was temporary

Praying it would not last

Fearful of things staying the same

New Books for Sale

I've got two books for sale now that contain many of my earliest works. Glancing Back I and Glancing Back II are now available to order. I'll have updates about my future book collections soon.

Glancing Back I

By Cameron D St Michael

Glancing Back II

By Cameron D St Michael

Just Believe

Sparkling wine at midnight

The best of company

To cheer in the new year

We laughed and hugged

And I knew everything would be OK

Because the smiling faces

Looking ahead to the new year

Told me I would be fine

I will let that guide me

In this new year

In this new decade

If they think I’ll be OK

I should just believe

Because I have no reason not to